The Divine Lamp

Oct 24 2008

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Published by Dim Bulb at 5:44 pm under Uncategorized

SARAH PALIN – I may not answer the questions the way that the moderator might like to hear them,
but the way that I know Joe Sixpack and the hockey moms want to hear it. I can see both sides of the
road from my house. But what’s important is that we not look backward to where the chicken has been,
also to look forward and see that the chicken is a maverick who was bold and a real hero for going
against his own flock.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken
wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage

in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road.

This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this

country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if

the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.

There is no middle ground here.
CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the

chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the

wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will

remain against it.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with

the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.

What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems

before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross

this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is

a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not

live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes

and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a

standing order at the Farmer’ s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken

crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why

they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will

become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal

media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.That chicken should not be

crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken

tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went

on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs,

file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of

eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the

chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
JESSE JACKSON: It’s my understanding that there is a soul food restaurant popular among our people on the side of the road the chicken sought to avoid. I also have it on good authority that the chickenl ays white eggs rather than brown. Clearly the chicken is racist and has bought into that whole ‘fried chicken’ stereotype.

JOHN GOTI: What? Hey! I don’t know nothin’!
VOLTAIRE: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road; nor do I agree with his actions, but I will defend to the death his right to do so.
St Thomas Aquinas: I reject the form of the question, for the form of the question implies a deliberate willful and intellective act on the part of the chicken. More properly, the question should be “how was the chicken moved to cross the raod?” and the answer will be “in virtue of the sense-appetite implanted in him by God”.
COLONEL SANDERS: Damn – I missed one.

Most of these came from an email my sister sent me; I don’t know the original source. The text in blue is my addition.

Share and Enjoy:

2 responses so far

2 Responses to “Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?”

# Robon 25 Oct 2008 at 12:20 pm

I got that e-mail years ago. As an ex-English teacher, Hemingway’s response was my favorite (and spot on!).
# Maryon 25 Oct 2008 at 10:12 pm

Funny, Dim!