The Divine Lamp

Via the Lady in the Pew comes this from THE GLOBE:

The main headline on a report in yesterday’s City and Region section may have led to the erroneous impression that three women will be recognized as priests by the Roman Catholic Church after their ordination tomorrow. As the report and a subordinate headline made clear, the women’s status after the ordination is a matter of dispute. Although the organization hosting the ceremony will consider the women to be Catholic priests, the Vatican and the Archdiocese of Boston will regard them as having excommunicated themselves and therefore as being neither Catholic nor priests.

I must confess that I very much empathize with these women. My not so multitudinous readership may find this hard to believe, for I don’t like to brag about it, but I am a card carrying member of MENSA. In other words, less than one per cent of the world’s population matches or surpasses my I.Q. level.

Unfortunately, I had to print the membership card up myself on my computer because the arrogant bastards at MENSA refuse to consider me a member. Why? They say its because I designed and executed the I.Q. test myself and that this makes it invalid. I tried to explain to these well educated morons who seem not to know their own bylaws that, in fact, the test was designed and administered to me secretly by a member of the MENSA board, and that this was done in the Halls of Congress, which as everyone knows is foreign territory in the intellectual world, consequently, the bylaws of MENSA are not applicable.

Since my rejection by this organization of which I know I am a member (just ask me, I’ll confirm it), I have been taking my plight to the American people via Hollywood, the newspapers, and the Almighty Oprah.

The Oprah experience was quite uplifting! My, what a compassionate woman! She was genuinely touched by my account of how I struggled to laminate my homemade MENSA card with Saran Wrap. “Oh, you poor, sweet dear,” she said to me as I struggled to maintain my composure, “I had a similar experience with a homemade Weight Watchers card.” That was very consoling.

My experience with the major secular newspapers is just frustrating. I attempted to get them interested in my struggle but to no avail. An intern/junior-editor-in-training from one of them sent me a nicely worded letter which stated in part: “As a member of MENSA I’m sure you’re smart enough to appreciate the complexities of our situation. We’re not calling Muslim terrorist Muslim…hell! we’re not even calling them terrorist but, rather, freedom fighters or insurgents. We are calling conservatives conservative when the issue is a liberal one; we’re not calling liberals liberal when the issue is conservative. We are terming the surveillance of phone calls between the US and Arab countries domestic spying but we’re calling flights between the US and foreign countries international. We are not calling Obama and empty suit but we are asking where is the substance to John McCain, and for some reason people are beginning to doubt our journalistic integrity.”

In other words, the can’t help me. Personally, I think it’s because they have an aversion to the MEN in MENSA; but this is just speculation on my part, and, like you, ladies, I’m not one to let my imagination run wild.

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